Monday, September 11, 2017

“Focusing is about saying no.”—Steve Jobs

 

As a new school year now underway, it is important to take a few moments to acknowledge the power of saying no and the effect it has on helping both children and adults to focus.  All too often, we find ourselves in the position of saying “yes” to more people, activities, and objects  than we neither want nor need.  When we continually say yes, we give ourselves more distractions that prevent us from putting our focus on those people, activities, and objects that truly need our attention.  In doing so, we increase our stress and decrease our productivity.

 

Many times, we feel pressured to say yes because we are concerned we may hurt someone’s feelings by saying no.  In order to spare others, we take on more than we can.  This situation is especially difficult for children.  They want to be a good friend and worry that if they say no, they will lose a potential friend.  As adults, we must help our children learn and understand that to be their best selves, they must protect themselves.  Part of this protection is being able to advocate for themselves by saying no.  No to constant messaging and/or texting, no to multiple playdates, no to hours and hours of gaming.  By helping our children say no to too many outside activities, we help them say yes to more with family, more time for sleep, more time outside, and more time to focus on schoolwork, which in turn, will free up time for those fun things.

 

We, as parents and guardians, have the opportunity to model saying no for our children.  We can say no to overscheduling our children with one activity after another. We can say no to misuse of technology (including cellphones) by limiting that activity and teaching appropriate use. We can say no to our own misuse of technology by not constantly checking our phones while we are spending time with our children.  By saying to no to those things, we let our children know we are saying yes to them by focusing on the moment.