What is problem solving?
We don’t talk much around NVS about discipline; we don’t have militaristic rules such as “If you are late to class three times, you have to miss lunch for a week.” That might be easier, but what does it teach about personal responsibility, if the kneejerk response is missing or shifts in the next environment?
When problems arise, which is absolutely certain in a “home” with thirty-five developing children, we strive to follow best practices not only for the moment but for lifelong learning. Our Guidance Counselor or Assistant Head of School will sit down with each student in a calm setting and review the situation. What happened? What precipitated what happened or came before it/caused it? What was your part or piece in the situation? How did it turn out? How could it have turned out better? What could you do differently next time? This is sound functional behavior analysis, and a communication tool a young person can use as a foundation throughout life when difficulties arise.
So often in society people want to “pass the buck.” This happened—because of something someone else did. Being able to look at a situation and identify your own part—ownership—enables an individual to change behavior over time, rather than just “point the finger.” Did I push the guy in front of me because I was so anxious to be first? He was in my way!—I didn’t mean for him to break his glasses—or break his leg. Accepting logical consequences for your own behavior is part of the maturing process. But the bigger issue is learning to make wise choices beforehand, learning from mistakes, so that “next time” you may choose with a more realistic view of personal responsibility for outcomes. As any worthwhile therapeutic program will explain, each of us is able to change ourselves, not others, so that’s where the focus needs to be.
Charlotte G. Morgan, MEd, MFA
Head of School, New Vistas School
