October is National Bullying Prevention Month
Bullying is a topic many of us wish we did not have to talk about with our children and would like to think does not happen in our schools or to our children. The unfortunate truth, however, is that bullying does occur, and not just in schools, but in cyberspace, workplaces, and sometimes even houses of worship. In order to help our children overcome bullying and its effects and to make a positive impact in their lives and the lives of those around them, it is important to help our children understand what is and is not bullying.
By definition, bullying is behavior that is intentional, hurtful, repeated, and that involves an abuse of power. Types of bullying include physical, verbal, social cyber, and sexual harassment.
These types of bullying can manifest as physical acts, such as hitting, pushing, poking, or throwing things; verbal acts, such as name-calling, insults, or threats; social acts, such as isolating or ignoring; cyber acts, such as using devices (cellphones, computers, etc.) to harass or send hurtful messages, including sexual messages. All of these types of bullying can have very real damaging and painful effects to all those involved. Some of these effects include low self-esteem, physical complaints (headaches, stomachaches), anxiety, difficulty sleeping, and loss of appetite, poor grades, and school avoidance. If your child is the target of bullying, encourage him or her to stay calm and remove himself or herself from the situation as quickly as possible and report it to an adult right away. If your child is the victim of cyberbullying, save the evidence (texts, emails, or social media posts), block the sender, and report the incident to school administration and/or local law enforcement.
While it is important for our children to recognize bullying when it occurs, either to them or those around them, it is equally important for us to help our children understand behaviors that, though they may be unpleasant, do not necessarily constitute bullying. With each of the following behaviors, it is critical to remember the definition of bullying as intentional and repeated. As social beings, we want other people to like us; however, there are some people who we just do not like and who will not like us. Though that may make us feel sad or uncomfortable, not liking someone is not bullying. Another behavior that, though unpleasant, may not always be bullying is being excluded. Not everyone is going to be friends or have the same interests, so someone may be excluded from an activity or event. Again, it becomes bullying when the exclusion is repeated or when a group is required to work together, such as for a classroom project, and a member is intentionally excluded. Disagreeing with someone is not bullying. None of us have exactly the same likes or dislikes, so it is natural that we may disagree with one another from time to time. Disagreements, which may turn into arguments, become bullying when one person attempts to exert power over the other in an attempt to win the argument. Because these are behaviors that we all experience at some point, unpleasant as they are, it is essential to help our children understand that they are a natural part of navigating social interactions with others
Bullying, in all its forms, is a serious issue. Our children depend on us to listen when they come to us with concerns about bullying and to help them understand what is happening and how to deal with it. Two resources that may be helpful in talking with your child about bullying are:www.StopyBully.gov/teens and www.GetNetWise.org. Being informed and working together, we can help our children have a more positive school experience.
